As you may remember, Claire has turned into somewhat of a menace on wheels. She’s really learned that walker. And, I’d also like to reiterate that teaching your child that walkers and food are more fun together may not be just a mistake, but a catastrophic one. Just think about this. You ever seen footage of a greatwhite breaching the water? It’s exactly like that when we feed Claire yogurt whilst she is in the walker.
I’m not talking your basic seaworld, whale jumping treat time passive beauty. I’m talking full on lunging, chompers bared and the ripping away of food mixed with a primal cry evoking simpler, and brutal, times. I say it is a sight to see. A terrifying sight of predatory instinct. Yeah, it’s scary.
Claire has discovered shouting. Which I also believe is her battle cry now. It sounds like a singer checking her pitch, with the emphasis on the "aa" part of "faa". Only, I imagine it’s something closer to what a death metal singer might find useful. She’s a maniac. And she likes to get attention. So, basically, it’s pretty much all we hear now. It’s about as ever present as the vuvuzelas in a South African football stadium these days.
Also, did you know that walkers only go if you keep your fist plunged into the bottle holder located on the tray table? Yeah, there’s go button that only babies can see located at the bottom. It’s a very fitting image when she goes backwards. She keeps the one hand in the bottle holder and then holds the side of the seat with her free hand while she rotates backwards so she can see the safe route. It’s hilarious.
Combining this with a battle cry mimicking the backing up noise of a big truck is, unfortunately, less hilarious. Combining this with the fact that the dog interprets all this as a call to howl and it’s downright unbearable.
Thus was a day in the life of the Dass Compound.
And World Cup. Don’t forget World Cup. It’s a moral imperative to watch.